The Past is Not the Present

I recently started noticing my heart speeding up whenever I'm making meals for my children. It happens most often when I'm cutting up their food into small, manageable bites. In addition to preventing choking, I’m trying to make sure they actually eat what I give them. I know that if they take too big of a bite, they will give up on the meal altogether. Recently, my daughter has been picky about meat. If the bite is too big or too tough, she will avoid the rest of the meat on her plate. A thought often creeps in: “What if they don't get enough protein?”

I think about the frequent Googling and researching I found myself doing to ensure that my kids were getting all of their nutrients. They have to have a serving of fruits and vegetables with every meal, so I've been told. In my efforts to be a good mom, I try to give fruits and vegetables with every meal. However, there was a time when it felt more life-or-death. During cold and flu season, I would worry my kids would get yet another illness if they didn't eat something high in vitamin C. My anxiety would show up as frustration towards my kids if they weren’t eating everything on their plate. This wasn't fair to them, and I don't want to make mealtimes stressful for everyone. I recognized this was something I needed to work through.

That part of me has relaxed over time, but there are still times when I need to remind myself that the kids will be okay if they don't eat an orange with breakfast. If we get McDonald's french fries for a snack, that is just what works for us that day. I give myself a lot more grace.

What do I do now, and how did I get there?

Find the feeling

I have become more aware of how my anxiety shows up somatically. When I feel my stomach flutter, but not in the cute, butterflies kind of way, I can tell something is off. If I step back and look at my environment, I recognize that I'm not in a dangerous situation. I am safe in my kitchen preparing my kids' lunches. Instead of pushing it down, I get curious about the physical sensations I’m noticing.

Follow the feeling back

I ask myself, when have I felt this way before? What are some other times my heart was racing, I felt on edge, and my stomach was nearly in knots? I go back to the times when each of my kids were in the newborn stage. It was a challenge getting them to stay awake long enough to finish a feeding. I was flooded with worry that my tiny little baby wouldn't get all the right nutrients, gain weight, and thrive. These were stressful experiences until we were able to find our rhythm.

What is the feeling saying?

Now, I ask myself, what is this feeling trying to tell me? When the anxiety shows up, I get messages that my kids are still vulnerable babies that need to gain weight in order to survive (a valid fear, but not entirely rational).

Refocus

The next thing I do is grounding or recentering myself back to the present moment. I remind myself that we are no longer in the newborn phase, my kids are thriving, and we are safe. Sometimes those messages can help pull me back out of fight/flight/freeze mode. Other times, I need to look at physical reminders that time has passed. We no longer have a drying rack full of baby bottles. I have preschool crafts on our fridge. I have a lot more grey hair...

Sometimes our body responds to stimuli before our brain catches up. It can be beneficial to regularly check in with your body and to become more attuned to the messages it might be trying to tell you.

Keep reminding yourself you are not being chased by a bear, and the past is not the present.